Brush Up Your Active Listening Skills

Active listening is a key skill that‘s so much more than just hearing what is said. As relationship systems workers, we are watching the full complexity of what’s happening within a team. We become sleuths – gathering information and noticing all of the signals that the system is sending. We listen to the words that are spoken, catch the subtext, and see, sense and intuit what’s going on below the surface.

While coaches use active listening to work with both individuals and systems, listening to a system or team is slightly different.

Listen to the whole system

In team coaching we listen to the whole system, not just individuals.

Relationship systems coaches and leaders work with what CRR Global calls the Third Entity™ – the network of connection within a group. In listening to the system, we pay as much or more attention what’s happening across the team as to what an individual is saying or doing. One coach described it as placing the hard focus on the team, and a softer focus on the voices of individuals.

​The system gives us information on how it can survive and thrive.

Use all of your senses

Use your whole body to hear, see and sense what is happening, and stay fully present in the moment. Signals can emerge from what we observe in team members, the energy we feel in the room, and what we notice within ourselves.

​As you coach or lead, pay attention to what’s happening in your own body. What do the tightness in your shoulders or the tingle in your gut tell you?

Reveal rather than fix

Active listening as a team coach means to make the system aware, rather than fixing issues.

To actively listen, we turn off judgement. This type of listening isn’t about being right or telling others what to do. Instead, we are paying exquisite attention at every level.

Systems coaches and leaders serve as mirrors. We reflect what we observe so the system becomes more aware. In asking thoughtful questions and uncovering what is not being spoken, we encourage the team to see itself more clearly.

Hear what is in the silences

Silences are just as important as sound.

In coaching the system, we pay attention to what lies between the words. Is there tension or agreement in the shared space? Notice the shifts in emotion and energy across the team, and observe the interplay of relationship during these silences.

​To use a musical metaphor, it’s important to hear the spaces between the notes. We can stretch our hearing to capture what’s being said in whispers, and what is being expressed through silence.

Involve everyone in the conversation

Every voice in the system gives us important information.

Part of our role is to draw out the quiet voices, so that we hear what has been hidden as well as what is obvious. This can be done in a coaching conversation, or leaders may use information drawn from audits, program evaluations, labour negotiations and surveys to gain a better understanding.

Coaching tools like amplification can make understated messages even more obvious.

How do coach credentialing bodies define active listening?

International Coaching Federation (ICF) definition – “The ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of the client’s desires and to support client self expression.”

European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC) Definition – “Focus one’s attention on the speaker, and pay attention to non-verbal and verbal elements to understand the complete message. Then being able to share with the speaker what has been said by rephrasing in their words or providing feedback, paraphrasing appropriately and without interpreting.”

Remember that every interaction offers a chance to build the muscle of active listening. Make a habit of actively listening—whether it’s within yourself, in your personal relationships, with team members, or as a leaders or coaches. With time and practice, this skill will become second nature.

These hints about listening to teams were drawn from a May 2023 conversation in an Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC™) community. Thanks to Lauren Powers, ORSC Community co-hosts Alonso Rios and Kat Hay, and our North American ORSC community members for their wisdom in the conversation which inspired this post.