Faced with so much division, collective healing can seem out of reach. Like so many others on the morning of November 6, my first impulse was to check my phone for the results of the 2024 U.S. presidential election. I scrolled through a social media feed filled with polarities. Messages of profound sadness and hurt were juxtaposed against posts of celebration and relief around the win of the new president-elect.
The divide between us only seems to be increasing. As relationship systems workers, how can we bring communities together when there is so much polarity, fear and hurt?
In “Braving the Wilderness” Brene Brown writes, “Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
Reflecting on what is emerging within myself across relationships and within the bigger systems, I see a lack of safety. Specifically, we lack the safety to be authentic. A safety that allows for the true dignity of a person to be seen by others, safety that allows for belonging in ourselves as much as it invites it in others to find the same.
To feel a sense of safety, we all must have the capacity to be vulnerable, honest about what we are afraid of and how our life experiences push and pull us in certain directions. Without it, we continue to create polarization and a deeper divide socially and professionally in the world.
The challenge for organizations
This challenge of belonging does more than just impact our social communities. It deeply affects the organizations that we belong to and work for.
Without a sense of belonging, systems are limited in their ability to unlock their true potential, achieve their goals, and overcome environments of constant change.
Ultimately it gets in the way of building resilience and innovation within the given system.
Our own personal inability to find belonging within ourselves is often a root cause. Due to our own lived experiences, we have learned to navigate our lives, finding ways to fit in and gain the approval of others. We may sacrifice our own authenticity and dignity in the process of chasing belonging through the approval of others.
These behaviors show up in organizations in different ways. It could be something as simple as sharing an opinion that we think others want to hear. We might create narratives around reports that we think will be better received by our leadership, or hire people that fit into the existing way of thinking in the company culture versus bringing new thoughts in to challenge the status quo.
These behavioral patterns don’t make us bad, or mean that the organizations we belong to are wrong. Many times, we do these things unconsciously to fit into the group, get promoted, or find approval. When we do so, we can give up our own capacity to be truly authentic as well as to leverage the true potential of the many people around us.
Creating spaces for authentic belonging
So what is the answer? How do we create spaces for authentic belonging both in ourselves and with others?
As with most things in life, there are layers to the answer. One is to create places of collective healing: spaces that will allow people to heal from the shaping of the environments we live in and the experiences we have lived through, and to recognize whatever conscious or unconscious influences told us that we needed to be, look, or act a certain way to fit in and belong.
To accomplish this, we introduce practices with context. When I am working with systems, the context matters just as much as the practice. The context we create is the ‘why’ behind what we will do next. In setting context, I consider how can I meet the system in front of me where it is. For some systems, I set a context of creating more space, or creating a pause so that a team can have a moment to reflect or metaphorically catch their breath. Which context will best serve the person or group that is in front of me now?
Next, I bring in a practice or tool that can support what this team needs now. I ask myself questions. What do they long for? What is trying to emerge here now? Is there a desire to have more space, perspective, empathy, ventilation, healing, extension or something else?
Based upon that, we can co-create together what comes next. This could show up as a simple check-in practice which allows people a moment of authenticity, or a bow at the beginning of a meeting that honors both the people in front of us as well as ourselves. We can deepen the sense of interconnection with a group using practices that can be done alone or with hundreds of people. Even doing a practice once can invite an opening for change and healing. Repeating it hundreds of times invites us to a new way of embodiment, as we let go of old patterns and create a shift in the collective.
Three systems-inspired practices for collective healing
Numerous systems-inspired practices can support us in coming together rather than pulling further apart. As we create space for collective healing, it is key to remember the context we are setting for the practice, and to consider “for the sake of what” we do this work.
These three practices from relationship systems coaching are particularly useful in working through division.
Centering Practice
This mindfulness technique can help individuals and groups gain more focus, inviting more ground and connection to self. Meditation, breathwork, and sit practices are similar, inviting us to connect more deeply with our internal systems.
Constellation Coaching
By looking at the big picture of what is happening with relationship patterns within groups, we often gain insights into ourselves by uncovering parallel patterns that influence our own personal challenges.
Hearing all voices
This practice encourages group members to hear and understand different voices and perspectives, so we can develop empathy for others. Often participating in this experience creates a collective release of energy, giving us more space to create what is next for that system.
Moving forward together
I appreciate what Brene Brown wrote, “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”
What we practice is what we embody, and what we embody is what we practice. If we want to create communities and organizations that leverage the untapped power of humanity, then we must create places where we can collectively heal together. Doing so invites all of us into a deeper sense of authentic belonging to our own selves. In embodying safety, belonging, and dignity for ourselves, we can extend the same possibility to others.
Concepts in this article are explored in depth in CRR Global’s Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC™) training series.
Author
Michael Holton ORSCC, EIA-SP, ESIA, ICE-AC, ICF-PCC
Michael Holton is the CEO of CRR Global and a systems-inspired coach whose work integrates Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC™), somatic awareness, trauma-informed practice and developmental leadership. He supports leaders, teams and organizations in building coherence, trust and the capacity to navigate complexity. Michael’s approach is grounded in deep listening, relational intelligence and a commitment to equity and regenerative change.
