Is This a Signal to Slow Down?

When we are under pressure, we have the choice to snap, to react … and we also have the choice to stop ourselves and move into empathy, try to understand, and ask questions. We can choose how to respond.

This is one of the reasons why Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC™) is such a powerful resource for all of us. The tools are designed to force us into better awareness. When we become aware, we become aware of the choices we have.

Stress can leave us feeling pushed and pulled in lots of directions. What we can do is slow down in order to see the choices that lie within our control.

Slow down with self

What might slowing down look like for individuals?

Meditation

Practice, even if it’s just for a minute. You don’t need a cushion or incense; it doesn’t have to be fussy. Meditation is simply stopping and being aware. Ask yourself, what’s the minimal amount of meditation I can commit to each day.

Yoga

Anxiety is stored in the big muscles, so practices like yin yoga, that involve stretching and paying attention will help you to slow down, become aware and reduce stress.

Walk

Take a walk–even if only for 10 minutes–just make sure you stay 6 feet from other people.

Nature

Get outside and surround yourself in nature. Nature has so much wisdom. Sitting quietly near trees can be hugely healing. If you’re not a still person, a simple walk through a forest can quite literally bring your blood pressure down.

Cleaning

You can’t bring in the new until you take out the old. Cleaning clutter can be a cathartic experience, particularly during uncertain times. Can you clean one thing every day, creating space for the new to come in?

Slow down with your partner

How can you connect with ‘WE’?

This 30-minute exercise is a fantastic way to cultivate deep listening with yourself and your partner/close friend/family member. It helps couples (or any pair) to individuate better and to be intimate at the same time. It’s really simple:

1. One of you takes 30 minutes to talk about yourself. (Don’t talk about the other person. They’re going to be listening to you with rapt attention and it would be very difficult for them to listen to you moaning about them!) You’re going to talk about yourself for 30 minutes, which is a shockingly long amount of time to talk about yourself!
2. The other person’s job is to listen raptly, with no crosstalk. If they don’t understand something, they can ask you to say it differently, but you’re not having a conversation.
3. If you’re the person talking, your job is to drop deeply into “How am I doing? Really?” If you run out of things to say, sit in companionable silence. You’re focused in on yourself until the next thing bubbles up. Something will eventually bubble up. Peel the layers down.
4. If you’re the person who is listening, your job is to listen with full attention.

The most important rule is that you don’t talk about what was said for 48 hours. This creates safety and space. You can run the exercise back-to-back, or spread it over two evenings. Whatever works for you and your schedules.

This exercise works our emotional and social intelligence muscles: ‘me’ and ‘we’. It’s an individuating exercise because if you’ve been together for some time, you will know that deep sharing can begin to drop away. So if we can connect with ‘what is going on with me?’ and then share that with our partner, we create intimacy. We’re breaking down the layers of not sharing that have built up because of our busy lives. We’re connecting deeply with what’s happening within and with the person in front of us.

When we are busy and preoccupied, there are so many things that we don’t share with our partner and our family because we don’t have the time or energy to share them. At the end of the day, we sometimes just want to veg out with the TV or a book because we are all talked out. This tends to create numbness and isolation. This 30-minute exercise helps me to sit with my own self, connecting deeply with my own interior, and then to share what I see there with my partner. We are each breaking down our personal walls in order to see what is really going on inside ME. Then we break down the partnership walls in order to share our deepest selves with our partners. The focus on myself connects me with me, which supports individuation. Sharing that with my partner supports intimacy.

Slow down with your team

Pause

When I am hosting a call, I often invite everyone to close their eyes and take a deep breath. We take a 30-second pause in order to properly land on the call, which is particularly helpful if we’ve been ‘virtually’ running around all day. It’s essentially a moment of meditation but I don’t call it that. It’s simply a moment to step back from all of the things we’ve been doing, done or need to do, so that we can settle into where we are and focus on what we need to do now.

Check in

If you are meeting virtually, your team may want to take a few moments to create connection on a personal level. At the start of team calls, try asking simple questions (that won’t scare people) to help your team slow down and connect from where they are in the moment:

• What’s the best thing about working from where you are?
• What’s the most distracting thing about working virtually?

Meet the field where it is

Laughter at the beginning of a call can be as powerful as it instantly creates community. Slowing down at the start of calls will help you to meet your team where they are, and then you can shift the emotional field.

Social calls

Schedule virtual coffee catchups with your colleagues. These conversations are also important for your working relationships. Don’t just make all of your calls about work. Slow down and socialize virtually!

In defence of slowing down

Even when in crisis, we can be at choice with what is happening. What is the situation asking of you? Slowing down helps us to listen deeply, to become aware. From awareness comes choice.

Start now. Take one big breath. One moment to pause. From there–from that space–you will start to become more aware of what you can create.