Walking the talk of right relationship sounds straightforward in the course room, but can be so hard to live! Considering the complexities of relationship, I feel huge compassion for us all, considering all with which we are working. How can we walk our talk a little more easily?
Noticing competing selves
First I have to mediate between the many secret selves and sub-personalities in my internal system, which is no easy task. How do I get my Overachiever self to stop abusing my Beach Hippie? The Gym Bunny and the Meditator are competing for time. And can somebody please get the Kids to stop whining!
Some days I am astonished that any of us can walk straight given the many voices inside. And yet, somehow it all adds up to that beautiful integrated gemstone of who we are, full of rich facets but with our own solidity.
To top it all off, now my system needs to relate to your system, with all your complexity. Truth be told, our relationship is a huge group process. No matter how much I care for someone, there will always be some of my selves that just don’t get along with some of your selves. I might love 75 percent of you and tolerate 15 percent, but there is the 10 percent I just can’t stand—and that’s a good ratio.
Observing who we are together
Now here is another fun idea. When one of my selves interacts with one of yours, of course, it all unfolds within The Third Entity™. Each combination gives rise to a different feeling within the Third Entity. For example, when my Meditator relates with your Mystic, we are well aligned and the experience within the relationship will be strongly spiritual. But if one of my triggered selves is interacting with one of your triggered selves, we will create a very different “entity” within the relationship.
Is it fair to say that our Third Entity also has sub personalities and secret selves depending on which of me is interacting with which of you?
What do you think? No wonder it’s not easy to be in right relationship. And yet, and yet just look at the beautiful and infinite number of different dances you and I can have as our myriad selves interact. Oh, the places we’ll go!
Learn more about Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC™).
Author
Faith Fuller ORSCC, CPCC, ICF-PCC
Faith co-founded CRR Global and co-created Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC™). She is a psychologist and experienced trainer and coach, with decades of experience in working with organizations, couples and communities. Faith is also the author of Relationship Matters: A New Paradigm for an Evolutionary Leap in Relationship.
